Dangerous Dave [solve]
 
 =====================
 ::Radon::
 radon@myrealbox.com
 radon@gamebox.net
 =====================
 
 Dangerous Dave
 
 FAQ/Walkthrough
 
 Table of Contents
 
 Gameplay Mechanics
 Items
 Enemies
 Level One
 Level Two
 Level Three
 Level Four
 Level Five
 Level Six
 Level Seven
 Level Eight
 Level Nine
 Level Ten
 Bonus Area One
 Bonus Area Two
 Bonus Area Three
 Bonus Area Four
 
 Gameplay Mechanics
 
 There's some sort of obscure background story, where you're going
 through 'Clyde's Hideout.' Whoa...could this be Clyde, a.k.a. Shadow,
 >from FFVI?!? You never actually meet this mysterious individual, so
 let's just assume it is, eh? Good.
 DD features ten 'normal' levels and four bonus rooms. To leave
 the level you're in (regular or bonus) you have to pick up a gold
 trophy that'll be lying around somewhere in the level and then go
 through the exit door. Leaving a level nets you two thousand points,
 unless you're just entering a bonus area. K.
 Left and right move you—wait for it—left and right (and down, if
 you're flying). Up lets you jump. The Ctrl key activates your jetpack
 (if you have one) to let you fly, and the Alt key fires your gun (if
 you have one). And that's about it. Simple, eh?
 A few other things: if you stand in front of a tree, you can
 climb it by pressing up. If you're positioned properly, you'll
 actually *climb;* if not you just sort of jump up and fall down once
 you reach the top (the falling being slowed if you're 'on' the tree as
 you're going down. You can also do this jumping thing on the stars
 that appear in the sky in several places ('fly me to the moon...').
  You can kill enemies by either shooting them (only one bullet
 allowed onscreen at a time) or, if you're feeling reckless, crashing
 head-on into them, which, naturally, kills you as well as them. And
 you do not get points for irresponsible kamikaze tactics like this. So
 take heed.
  On jumping: when you jump, you need to push forward to go
 forward. Naturally. If you hold it down, you'll fall at an angle, but
 as soon as you let go of it, you'll go straight down. All righty then.
 In some of the later levels, there are illusory platforms that
 look real but are not. There's no way to distinguish them from normal
 ground, and some of them are above fatal pits. If you fall into one
 without a jetpack, you can't do much except swear can call the game
 'cheap' (which it really is in places, to be honest). Okay.
 A brief jetpack-related note: if you push the button to activate
 it, and then die before it comes on, it'll do it on your next life as
 soon as you stop blinking. This can be a sizable fuel-waster if you're
 not ready to turn it off immediately, so be forewarned.
 As for scoring, you get various amounts of points for killing
 various enemies and grabbing various treasures (see below for specific
 point values). You start with four lives (one active, three extra),
 and every time you nab twenty-thousand points, you get a one-up—only,
 however, if you have less lives than you started with; if you've got
 the full four, you don't get a dern thing.
 The points max out at 99,999, which is really not very hard to
 get to if you exploit the second bonus room (see the appropriate
 section) to the fullest. And when you do reach it, strange things
 happen with the one-up gaining system: you immediately gain one as soon
 as you hit the max, but it doesn't end there. For some reason, you can
 get at least two additional lives with points—and mind you, it's not
 that the game is keeping score but just not showing you. I think only
 large point-accumulators will get you it, and you don't get it EVERY
 time you pick one up, but sometimes you do. Furthermore—and this is
 the part that really mattersyou also get one-ups for picking up the
 non-point accruing guns and jetpacks. And yes, I'm almost positive
 that you get one EVERY time you pick one or the other up. Whee! I
 assume this is nothing more than a rather bizarre bug, but I do indeed
 like it...
 
 
 Items
 
 Purple Orbs-50
 Blue Diamonds-100
 Red Diamonds-150
 Rings-200
 Crowns—300
 Scepters—500
 Trophies—1000
 
 
 Enemies
 
 Spiders—a pair of these lurk in level three. They spin around in
 vaguely ovoid circuits and shoot at you. 300 points.
 Purple blade thing—this gets in your way in the fourth level, spinning
 in a circle around a series of platforms and shooting at you. No gun;
 ergo, no points.
 Red sun things—there are four of these in level five. Whee! They spin
 around in a wavy kind of way and shoot at you (sense a pattern?). 500
 points.
 Green baton things—Four of 'em in level six. They go back and forth
 >from left to right and shoot. 600 points.
 Cloud thingies—These bastards lurk in level seven. Another four.
 They're the typical spinning, shooting type of enemy—a little hard to
 hit because they're kinda small. 700 points.
 Brown UFO Things—In level eight. Three of 'em. They spin and shoot,
 sort of wobbling as they go. 800 points.
 Wee Green Blobbies—ninth level foes. Four, again. They go back and
 forth shooting. No gun means no killin'. For points, 'tany rate.
 Grey Disc Things—In the last level. Another batch of four; another
 left-right/shoot type. Ho hum. 1000 points.
 
 
 Level One
 
 Um...I sure HOPE you're not having trouble here. It's one small room.
 There's no way to die. Just grab the treasure and get out. Sheesh.
 
 
 Level Two
 
 Well, unlike the first level, it is in fact possible to die here, if
 you fall into the lava or the water. Still, it's not bloody likely,
 unless you foolishly try to obtain the jewels which are impossible to
 get without falling. I have no idea what 'PCR' stands for, by the way—
 presumably an obscure message of some sort from the author…
 
 
 Level Three
 
 This is probably the first level where you can legitimately die without
 deserving to have people derisively laugh at you. When jumping over
 the weirdweeds (not my name...I know this was mentioned SOMEWHERE, but
 for some reason now I can't find it. Hmm…), don't push the right
 button until you're entirely clear of them. Otherwise, you can easily
 crash into them and die ignominiously. As for the spiders, stay back—
 don't charge them; once you reach the screens on which they appear,
 keep as far back as possible. Well…you CAN get close if you so desire,
 but this way you have more time to react. You just have to time your
 shots right to take them out—nothing too hard; you'll get the hang of
 it. When you get to the final section, jump onto the first platform,
 then up and over, going straight down just to the right of the second
 one. For beginners, it's easy to not let go of the directional pad and
 accidentally hit the lava. Bleh. Oh, and don't fly out to the right—
 all you'll get for your troubles is one single damned purple orb, and
 you'll run out of jetpack and screw yourself over into the bargain.
 Those enclosed scepters in the alcove bother me—I feel like there ought
 to be some way to get at them (possibly from one of the bonus areas),
 but I can't for the life of me figure it out. Of course, the other
 possibility is that they're just there to lure avaricious treasure
 hunters to their doom looking for a way to get them. A stratagem that
 isn't likely to work more than once, but still—pretty tricky, Mr.
 Romero!
 
 
 Level Four
 
 BOY, was this one a sticking point for us back in the day! It's really
 not hard, but—well, at the time, we were flummoxed. First of all,
 don't try to immediately get the cup; the blocks are positioned in such
 a way that there's no way to avoid immolating yourself on the way.
 Nope, you need a jetpack for this 'un. So, you'll have to explore
 further on. The purple blade thing is what really gave us trouble:
 getting past it unscathed seemed damn near impossible. Of course, at
 this point I've become so cavalier about the whole thing that I
 generally don't even bother to try—I just immediately crash into it,
 thus eliminating the threat. What the hell—if you grab all the
 treasure, you'll earn a one-up by the time you leave the level anyway.
 Still, if you don't fancy that, it's not too bad.
 Okay, here's the scoop, daddy-o: it moves in a counterclockwise
 direction, spraying beams. The relevant point is when it reaches the
 three o'clock point, it'll shoot one. Now, it varies from time to time
 where it shoots, exactly: usually, it hits the blue platform, but
 sometimes it goes one space over it. It doesn't alternate or anything
 though, so never fear: whatever you see it doing, it'll keep doing.
 Now, it shoots another beam at the nine o'clock position; once this is
 out of the way, jump up onto the platform. If the three o'clock beam
 is—as it usually is—the lower one, you can wait for it to hit the wall
 before dropping down onto the lower step on the right. If it's the
 high one, you'll have to immediately go down to avoid it; don't worry,
 as long as you don't get scared, you'll easily make it. Once down,
 just wait 'til the monster passes by you, then quickly jump up to the
 middle ledge, and from there to the other side. Bam, you're there.
  Now it's pretty easy: just head to the right, picking up what
 jewels you can without losing a life, and pick up the jetpack. A
 little power-saving glitch: for the vertical tunnel between two walls
 with three blue diamonds in it, you can stand on the ground directly to
 the left of the right side, then jump up and hold down the right
 button. Let go of it when you pass the gap, and you should find
 yourself standing on the low platform. Now, you can just keep jumping,
 and you'll climb to the top, somehow. Why this doesn't work in any
 other, similar situations is anyone's guess. Another thing: the red
 jewel over the square of water in the alcove is attainable without the
 jetpack if you're careful, but it's an iffy thing. No real point to
 it.
 At this point, you can either clean up the entire section of
 jewels (judiciously using the jetpack to get the otherwise inaccessible
 ones) now, or you can do it after you've gone back and gotten the
 trophy. To get back, stand on the top ledge next to the spinning blade
 section, then, as soon as he (why am I giving gender to objects which
 are clearly neuter?) passes by next to you, activate the jetpack and
 head left (don't go TOO quickly, or you may accidentally run into IT).
 Turn it of when you reach the high ledge with a blue jewel. Now, you
 can use the jetpack to get the trophy. Yay! Now, just head back to
 the right, bypassing the blade thang the same way you did earlier, go
 all the way to the right, and through the door.
 
 
 Level Five
 
 Bonus level time! You can access Bonus Area One by climbing the tree
 and jumping off to the left at the top of the screen (or you can jump
 to the right, later on). If you want to maximize your point-getting
 potential—and this applies to all the bonus areas—clear out the entire
 level first and then go in; when you leave the bonus stage you'll start
 at the beginning of said level, thus allowing you to get double the
 points. Whee! Of course, there's not much point (haha) to this, since
 it's so easy to max out your points in Bonus Area Two, but hey, knock
 yourself out!
  And now, the level. I used to almost invariably lose a life to
 the first red sun thing, so I would hold off getting some of the items
 in the previous stage so as to be able to recover the lost life. Then
 I realized that it's not exactly hard: the sun moves counterclockwise;
 stand on the low platform to the left and, as soon as the monster
 passes the nine o'clock position (or slightly before), jump over and
 down, grab the gun, and jump to the right ledge. Now you'll be
 standing on a ledge with a red sun on either side, but there's no need
 to panic—neither one can hit you where you're standing. Calmly shoot
 them one after the other and proceed.
  As you jump to the next few platforms, be careful: you can
 sometimes sort of get caught on the stars above, which can screw up the
 positioning of your jumps and send you to your doom if you're not
 careful. Once you reach the next screen, there's another sun; take it
 down and continue, grabbing the jetpack. Incidentally, sometimes—and I
 don't know what causes it—my jetpack seems to have just…disappeared.
 At first I thought this might have been caused by flipping back out to
 Windows, but I've been unable to make it happen intentionally. I don't
 think I've ever had it happen anywhere but in this stage, though.
 It's not a big deal if it happens—you don't need it to pass the level—
 but it kinda sucks anyway. K.
  Anyway, if you want to take the easy path, just jet up and land
 on the platform at the top of the screen; from there you can just head
 uneventfully across the level, then drop down into the exit (or enter
 the bonus area you haven't already). Otherwise, jump across the
 platforms over the lava. Reaching the first one can be a little dicey
 because the way the things are positioned, it's impossible to drop
 straight down onto it, but it shouldn't be too bad; just use a few
 second of jetpack if you have trouble. You might as well also use it
 to grab the red diamond over the lava and the blue one over the water—
 it's not as if you have much other use for it.
  Once you hit the next screen, you'll be confronted with the final
 red sun thing (such vivid names I've given the enemies, eh?). It can
 shoot at you from where you're standing on the ground, but it's pretty
 simple to jump over the projectiles. Just don't stand in front of the
 tree, or you can accidentally start climbing it when you jump, possibly
 messing you up and putting you in the way of another bullet. Now,
 simply jump or jetpack up to the exit. La.
 
 
 Level Six
 
 No need to panic: just get the jetpack; then, timing it to avoid the
 green baton thing, activate it for the half-second necessary to get the
 gun. If you're fast enough, the jetpack meter won't decrease at all.
 If you so desire, you can use a few extra seconds to get the blue
 diamonds, but you might want to hold off on that—the jetpack is
 absolutely necessary to passing this level, so you want to preserve it.
 You can come back if you have a surplus after getting the trophy (which
 you should if you're at all competent, but you never know). Shoot the
 green baton thing and proceed.
  Once you hit the next screen, you'll see another GBT in a pit.
 There's no real need to kill it, but it's easy enough to do if you feel
 like it. Just to be safe, you know. It shoots one projectile just as
 it's reaching the left of its enclosure, and another just as it's
 heading back. After it lets off the second of these, just drop down
 and shoot it. Now, jump to the red platform, and from there, jump up
 and right, squeezing off a shot as soon as you enter the next screen.
 That'll take out the next GBT.
  This next section can seem hard, but if you stay cool it's not so
 awful. Standing on the ledge to the left of the pit, activate the
 jetpack, position yourself over the hole, and drop down. If you can
 tell that the GBT is going to be to the left of you when you hit the
 ground, just hit the ground and quickly take it out. Otherwise,
 jetpack again, wait 'til it is, and do the same. Grab the trophy, then
 head up via the right passage to save jetpack. You'll probably want to
 get the rings and crowns in the right section amongst the weirdweed.
 If this is the case, jump to the right. If you jump at the very last
 moment, you can safely land on the platform with the two rings; if not,
 jetpack up there before hitting the weeds. Then get the crowns on the
 right ledges, drop down and get the one to the left of the weirdweed
 where a crown is, jet to the left, get the last crown, then up via
 jetpack, grabbing the ring, and back out to the left. Groovy. Now
 back to the beginning, riding over the water with your trusty jetpack,
 and onwards!
  SUPER MEGA ULTRA BONUS CHEAT: I can't believe it took me so long
 to figure this out...if you jetpack over the water and to the door
 without getting the trophy, you can pass it and get onto the top of the
 level. From there, head to the right for a while; soon enough, you'll
 reach the end of the level, and on the other side of that—bonus area
 two. The most lucrative stage in the game, early. You can clear it
 out and exit through the bonus room's door, and you'll still be able to
 visit it as per usual through the warp zone in level eight, for twice
 the cash. Now you can bypass all the other treasure in the whole damn
 game and still max out your score with the greatest of ease! Whee!
 
 
 Level Seven
 
 That's right: it's not just a really depressing anti-nuclear
 novel by Mordecai Roshwald. It's a whole new adventure, jam-packed
 with thrills, spills, and fun! Don't miss it!
  This first part can be ANNOYING. Drop down, then, when the cloud
 thingie is out of the way, grab the gun and quickly retreat. When you
 turn around to face the beast, do it VERY carefully—just a light tap on
 the right button; you can accidentally hit the weirdweed with a little
 too much ease if you're not careful. When gunning for the cloud, wait
 until it's on its way down. You can get hit otherwise. After taking
 it out, jump to the second and then third platforms, and jump up to
 shoot the second cloud. Again, only shoot when it's going down.
  When you reach the next screen, be a little careful— the cloud
 thingie can hit you from where you're standing. It's not really
 necessary, but if you want to you can jump down to the bottom and
 attack from there. It won't be able to get you, and it is
 significantly easier to hit. Get the jetpack and, if it strikes your
 fancy, go back and get the scepter in the previous screen. You don't
 need to fly to get it, but you do to escape from the pit where it lies.
  Now, jump from the top of the tree to the right, activating your
 jet at the top. Head to the right, bypassing the next cloud (if you
 want to kill it, stand on the platform to the left of the fire, but be
 careful; you'll have to be fairly quick to dodge its fire from such a
 close distance). Drop down onto the first purple platform on the next
 screen. Careful—illusion platforms here lie. Specifically, the one
 above the rightmost lava and the one over the water with the purple
 diamond on it are as nonexistent as…well, I might offend someone if I
 said that. Not that I have a problem with offending people per se,
 but...well. Forget it. But do be careful. Once you have the cup,
 jump to the right side of the left platform with fire in the middle,
 and from there up and over to the next screen and straight through the
 door. Booyah!
 
 
 Level Eight
 
 The section of platform two squares to the left of the ring is fake, so
 jump over it to grab said treasure. On the next screen, all the
 single-square platforms are real, so carefully jump over them and get
 the jetpack; then double back and pick up the gun—the left side of the
 two-square platform next to it IS fake, though, so you'll need to jump
 >from the right side. Okay.
  There's no need to if you don't want to, but you can go through
 the middle passage marked with purple orbs if you want a few extra
 points. Careful, though—the brown UFO thing can shoot at ground level.
 Rarely, and you'll be tempted to think never, but it DOES happen, so
 don't be off your guard. Once you've killed it, get the crown and the
 extra jetpack—not that you're likely to NEED an extra at this point,
 but regardless...
  Now head back and use the jetpack to position yourself over the
 hole in the lava and fall down. Bonus area alert! Just go left on the
 top section and drop down into it. It's a pretty ridiculous bonus
 level, with enough treasure to make everything else basically
 irrelevant (especially if you already used the level six cheat), but
 what the hell—you know you want it. Check the appropriate section for
 details.
  After engaging in this sybaritic orgy of sheer mindless
 acquisition (or not), head down the passage. This part's actually
 kinda tricky—there's a certain amount of luck involved, even if you
 theoretically know exactly what you're doing. Stand next to the right-
 most patch of weeds (the one directly over the jetpack. Not that you'd
 have trouble figuring that out, but, well, you know…I don't respect
 your intelligence THAT much), and jump to the right. Aim so as to go
 straight down into the gap next to the metal platform. You can land on
 said platform if you want, but there's a chance that if you do you'll
 take a bullet with no way to defend yourself. Jump up and, when the
 chance presents itself, shoot the bastard. Yeah! Might as well go
 down and get the scepter and jetpack (why did John assume we'd need so
 amazingly much jetpack in THIS level, in particular? None of the
 others have extras...).
  This next part really annoys me: as soon as you enter the next
 screen—surprise!—a brown UFO thing leaps to the attack. Well…it's
 there. And it attacks. It may not exactly leap, but…bleh. Usually,
 you'll be able to take it out cleanly, but occasionally it'll get off a
 really cheap shot that you won't be able to jump because you're under
 the metal ledge. You can go over it instead, but then you're not very
 maneuverable either—I think here, the best strategy is the time-honored
 'hope for the best'. You'll usually be able to kill it. Probably.
 And hey—once you do, you're home free! Just head right, up the tree,
 and through the door.
 
 
 Level Nine
 
 This stage may seem hard and cheap at first, but once you know what
 you're doing, it's as easy as pie. Easy pie. VERY easy pie. Oh yes
 indeed. It's short, too—only the first level has less to it.
  When you start, go right; the platform directly beneath you is a
 fake. I'd say that's pretty cheap, if easily avoided. Then jump onto
 the high segments to the right, keeping in mind that the left half of
 it is also non-corporeal. Now, you could head right towards the wee
 green blobbies (anyone who can tell me where I got that name from wins
 a lovely hand-crafted kewpie doll, by the way), but that's hard and
 you'll die, so don't. Instead, go down through the gap in the lava.
 It's a little tricky: first, wait until a shot comes past so as not to
 get hit. It's difficult to fall straight down here, so you'll usually
 have to sort of quickly go back and forth to avoid the flames. Not
 that bad, though. Go left for Bonus Area Three (not that you'll need
 it at this point), and right for the exit.
  When you get to the edge of the ledge (whee!), you need to (well,
 you don't technically *need* to, but it would be kinda hard if you
 didn't…) drop down onto the thin purple platform. It can be sort of
 hard to judge where you're falling since you'll be off the screen,
 but…well, do your best and stuff. Just have a care and it's not that
 bad, eh? Nab the trophy. Now another somewhat difficult jump: you
 want to land on the brown segment right next to the wee green blobbie—
 but not TOO close, or it can run into you. Next, across the bridge.
 This can seem maddening at first, due to the ever-popular not-there
 floor tiles, but if you get it down right, you can easily make it every
 time. Simply jump as far as you possibly can to the right without
 stepping off the brown platform. From there, it's just a quick and
 easy jump to the safety of the other brown platform. La.
  Now, onto the nearest purple platform. The second one is a fake,
 so just jump through it to the third. The two-segment one next to it
 is all real, so go there, then up to the next and then to the next. As
 for the next two-segment jobbie, the first section is bad, so land on
 the second. Same with the next one, and the one-segment bit to next to
 the exit section is, yes indeed, also double-plus ungood. You can tell
 I'm searching desperately for words to describe the fake platforms,
 can't you? Ah well—just jump straight through the exit from here.
 
 Level Ten
 
 Ooh! The FINAL LEVEL! Only one thing left between you and ETERNAL
 VICTORY! Are you nervous? Well? Are you? Huh huh huh? Actually,
 this level can be a tidge hard. But hey—that's what I'm here for. You
 can always count on my expert assistance in these matters. Forward into battle!
  I should hope that the path to Bonus Area Four seems painfully
 obvious to you—as soon as you drop down onto the ceiling, head left.
 Brilliant, eh? Otherwise, right. Don't try to get the crowns and
 scepters without a jetpack. Nope: just head down the lower path and
 take the gun, making sure not to hit the lava. Duh. Then, back up.
 This next section could very easily get you killed, but not with me
 here! Oh yeah baby!
 Don't even THINK about jumping down onto the purple platform
 whilst the Grey Disc Thing is there. You will die. Well, you COULD
 survive, but the odds would not be in your favor. Nope—just stand
 right next to the wall, jump up, and let out a bullet directly over it.
 There—all gone. Now aren't you glad I was here to tell you that?
 You'd probably have lost all your lives trying to do it the tough guy
 way had you been on your own. I think some gesture of appreciation is
 in order, don't you? Especially once I give you the goods on crossing
 this scary-looking platform with all the weirdweeds below it. That
 looks nasty, doesn't it?
 First, just drop to the first segment, above the red diamond.
 Second, jump onto the square over the second patch of weed in the pit.
 Third, jump onto the square above the third red diamond. You'll fall
 down and get it. Fourth, jump up onto the square directly to the
 right. Fifth, to the square above the crown. Okey dokey! That
 waren't so bad, now was it?
 Now, the Grey Disc Thing. You'll want to wait until it shoots as
 it's coming towards you, then jump and drop down pushing hard right.
 Let off a shot and drop into the pit. Keep in mind that this
 particular beastie seems to not have been thoroughly bug-tested (an
 impression I get for quite a lot of the game, to be perfectly frank),
 and your bullets have a nasty habit of going right through it with it,
 registering no discernable ill effect. Cheap! You'll have to just be
 a little careful whilst jumping up and letting off and letting off
 extra ammunition to take it out. But, eventually you will prevail. Or
 so we hope. Bleh.
 Once it's gone, don't go through the flames; jump over them.
 Take the jetpack and head right. You don't need to use it to cross the
 water; it's narrow enough to jump. This next Grey Disc Thing requires
 mildly fast reflexes: wait until it shoots and starts going back, then
 drop down QUICKLY, turn around QUICKLY, shoot it QUICKLY, and jump back
 up, QUICKLY. See what the key word is here?
 Now, down and around. The only solid ledges in the room with the
 trophy are the right sides of the two-segment ones, so you'll need to
 jetpack out—up, over, and to the left, or to the right and the bonus
 room, if you'd prefer. Get the treasure if you want, being as quick
 about it as you can so as not to waste fuel. Or, hell, go ahead: waste
 it. Waste all you want! Who am I to reign in your self-destructive
 impulses? It's your life, not mine. Still, if you want to win, SAVE
 SOME DAMN FUEL! K?
 Okay now...when you reach the gap, drop down. Don't worry if it
 looks like you're going to crash into the flames; if you're on a course
 that'll lead you straight to the bottom, you won't. When you enter the
 next screen, hit the first button as fast as you possibly can. You'll
 usually be able to kill the fourth and final Grey Disc Thing without it
 getting off a shot at you; if it does, you're pretty much dead. You
 can try retreating and jumping up to safety in the alcove, but I don't
 think this works. If you're desperate, I suppose you can try turning
 on the jetpack for a little extra speed. But hey: don't worry about
 death. You're coming right up on the end. As long as you have some
 extra lives, and you succeed in killing it, it's all good.
 Head left; the strange wall of slime stuff is actually just
 greenery; the tile is the same as the one used for the trees. You'll
 want to jetpack past it onto the ledge, though: if you don't, you'll
 just fall straight onto the weeds. Only the second segment is
 illusory, but if you have any fuel at all left you might as well just
 fly over it; there's no more need for jetpack. In the next room either
 jetpack or, more romantically, climb the stars, to the culmination of
 all your hopes and dreams: victory. You've won. A winner is you. So
 why do you feel so terribly hollow inside? What is it that you yearn
 for still? Could it be that challenging Clyde's Hideout was nothing
 more than a desperate attempt to endow your life with meaning? Now
 that you've fulfilled this goal, what is there left? Nothing but to
 enter into a downward spiral, squandering all the money you earned on
 fast drinks and hard women, until, finally, anticlimactically, you die.
 How? Does it really matter? Auto accident, heroin overdose, random
 mugging-gone-bad—what's the difference? From the top of the world to
 the end of everything. This, Dave, is your life. But hey! That's all
 in the future! For now, sit back and enjoy the stunningly-rendered CG
 ending, content for the time being in the satisfaction of a job well
 done.
 
 
 Bonus Area One
 
 Accessed from Level Five; see the section in question for all the gory
 details. This first bonus level isn't particularly lucrative, but you
 might as well go ahead, eh? Just as long as you can survive. How come
 bonus levels have the potential to be fatal. Unfair! So okay, fall
 down and hold right as soon as you pass the flame, then go up and get
 the three crowns. Now…if you're desperate to get the two left-most
 blue diamonds over the lava, you'll have to do it from this side. Just
 jump over the lava and onto the platform with the door, then jump back
 by going under the lava platform. Easy peasy. Now go up, over, and
 around, nabbing the purple orbs, trophy, red diamond, ring, and crown.
  Next, jump onto the purple platform, but stay on the fist tile:
 the second's an illusion. Instead, jump back onto the higher platform
 to the right (it may take a few tries, but you can do it), and from
 there onto the one next to the scepter. Drop off the platform, holding
 left until you hit the lower one, then jump to the leftmost side to
 bypass another illusory platform. From there, exiting is all too easy.
 So do it. Good, you're done.
 
 
 Bonus Area Two
 
 Accessed from level eight, or, unofficially, level six. Obscene
 amounts of treasure: a total of 37,400 points work, counting the exit
 bonus. Gotta be careful, though: it's not very hard to mess up and
 die. And nobody wants that. No indeed.
  After you drop down and nab the crown and scepter, jump to the
 left and get the two crowns, then too the purple ledge for the two
 rings. Dropping down to the lower ledge gets you one of the rings
 above the weirdweed, jumping to the next gets you the other. After
 achieving this, go back and jump onto the high ledge with the row of
 rings. The second segment is illusory, so from the edge of the first,
 jump onto the highest ledge. You're inevitably going to fall at some
 point here; the illusions really can't be avoided, but don't sweat it:
 you shouldn't hit the weeds. When you fall onto the ledge next to the
 area with the trophy and a crown, hold over and up to jump back onto
 the higher ledge, then go right to fall down and get them. Get back up
 the same way. Once you have all the treasure here, on to the second,
 even more lucrative, room.
  There are lots of illusion tiles here, but that doesn't mean its
 dangerous: the only thing you have to worry about is accidentally
 hitting the lava whilst grabbing the two lowest scepters. You'll fall
 a lot, but just keep jumping back up: with a little patience, clearing
 out all the treasure should not be a problem. After doing so, jump up
 onto the top of the blue ledge to the left, and through the door.
 There we go.
  Point of interest: Okay, so I'm probably the only person in the
 world who finds this even remotely interesting. Indulge me, eh? If,
 instead of leaving the level, you bypass the door, you can, if you wait
 until the very last second to jump, get over the pit and reach the
 other side, where you're not supposed to be. If you fall into the pit,
 you'll just—in classic Bubble Bobble style—fall endlessly, starting
 >from the top of the screen when you reach the bottom, but if you go
 past it to the left you can view the entirety of level six—from above!
 Whee! You can even exit through level six's door, although this does
 not lead back to level seven—it just puts you, as you'd expect, back in
 eight. Furthermore, if you don't have the trophy, you can actually go
 through the door and reenter level six...and then instantly die as you
 hit the water. And you just start back at the bonus area's starting
 point; you don't actually start at level six's entrance, as I'd hoped.
 So there's really very little point to it. But hey—I like it anyway.
 Leave me alone.
 
 
 Bonus Area Three
 
 This one is quick and easy—get the easily-attainable treasures; avoid
 the easily-avoidable flames. Leave. Okay, so that was short. What
 the hell do you WANT me to say? "Fall down. Jump through the tunnel.
 When you reach the flames, be sure to JUMP OVER THEM instead of
 mindlessly CRASHING INTO THEM. To get the crowns, you need to CLIMB
 THE TREE. The trophy is BELOW. Be careful when you're heading for the
 exit—those flames there will KILL you if you hit them. So jump over
 them instead. Between them, there are TREASURES you can get! These
 will give you points! Once you go through the exit, you'll be back in
 level nine." Is that what you want? Is it? Jeez, how mentally
 deficient ARE you? Fuggin' 'ell…
 
 
 Bonus Area Four
 
 Accessed from level ten, this is probably the bonus area where you're
 most likely to die. But not with my expert advice, so worry not! That
 crown above the flame is extremely hard to get without dying. I can't
 say I recommend it, but if you must, you need to stand absolutely as
 close as possible to the flame in question without dying and jump
 straight up. Jump periodically until you get it, but as I say, you're
 like as not to accidentally crash into the fire. And your sacrifice
 won't even earn you the crown, so what's the use, eh? Anyway, it's
 just three hundred points. Jeez.
  ANYWAY: fall through the flame tunnel, hitting left to avoid the
 first flame, and right to avoid the second and land on the ground. The
 scepter's easy enough to get by hitting up and left, but the jumps over
 the water can be irritating, what with the weeds on the ceiling. Wait
 until the last minute to jump to clear the first one, and for the
 second, wait until you're landing to squeeze in under the weed. Then
 up and over, again being careful about the weed directly over your
 head.
  Now, to get the trophy: edge out as far as you can on the ledge
 and jump: for some reason, you'll go up and through the water, but you
 won't die. Freaky deaky. Just jump up and over for the cup, then
 back. You couldn't jump high enough to hit the water from the ledges
 over the lava even if you wanted to, so worry not.
  Now to the right and through the tunnels. Quickly hit right when
 you're falling down to avoid crashing into the water. Get the crown if
 you fancy, then right through the scary tunnels, up, and around. Left
 to avoid the top flame when you fall, right to land on the ledge. Why
 am I bothering to point out the bleeding obvious here, anyway? This
 next bit isn't quite so self-evident, though (well, okay, maybe it is,
 but it would be easy to screw up in the heat of the moment): When you
 fall through the hole in the floor, don't go down for the rings. It's
 a trap. You won't be able to get back up, and you'll have to kill
 yourself. And, contrary to popular belief, suicide is not, in fact,
 painless. So suppress your lust for gold just this once and hold down
 right as you fall, to land safely on the other side. Get the red
 diamond if you want; it isn't as dangerous as it may look: quickly in
 and out, and you've got it. Now through the tunnels and into the door,